Dear husband formerly known as someone I want to be within 10 feet of,
We’ve been here before, haven't we? So, you aren’t exactly surprised that as I wrap up my second trimester, I’m at the stage of pregnancy, where I’m starting to hate you.
Blame it on hormones, or the fact that your life and body haven’t changed all that much, but mine, has. I’m feeling hot, consuming resentment toward you. And everything you do, and say makes the higher blood volume inside of me, boil with a rage I cannot disguise.
Currently, I'm fuming because you forgot to take out the trash AGAIN. At least that's what you think. WRONG! I am bitterly incensed that you exist! How could you not see how failing to remove said garbage is an egregious reminder of how I have to do everything?! I’m carrying your child, the continuance of your bloodline, and you can’t even remove a simple bag of refuse from our kitchen? Seriously??????
But you don’t have to screw up, for me to hate you. I just do anyway. I can’t explain exactly why; but it probably has a lot to do with the simple biological fact that you did this to me. Did I mention you didn’t even gain a pound? Your feet don’t hurt. Your waistline hasn’t expanded to elephant status. You aren’t suffering from heartburn, insomnia and an incessant need to pee every 14 seconds. Therefore, I want to divorce you, or kill you, or both. Sound fair?
The good news is, since we have been here before, you know this is just a stage of pregnancy. Soon, after our baby is born, I will like you again. I may even fall madly in love with you all over, as we gaze in wonderment at the life we created together. But we aren’t there yet.
So, I must warn you to tread lightly. Because I will; I repeat, I WILL take everything you say the wrong way.
Sounds like a compliment in your head? I won’t interpret it that way. Seems you can’t possibly be in hot water with me over something so minor? I can find a way to twist it into a major transgression, on your part.
Sadly, there isn’t much you can do to shield yourself from the fury of a pregnant lady, about to start her third trimester. Other than move, and enter the witness protection program. But then, I'll harbor extreme anger at you for leaving me at this delicate part of my pregnancy.
Just accept that pregnancy rage is an evolutionary adaptation of our species, ensuring both women and their mates feel as if the final stretch of gestation is the longest, most insufferable time of their lives. Mmm-kay?
Hopefully soon, we can look back and laugh about moments like when I tried to jump out of a moving car, just to get away from you. Nice move locking the doors, BTW. In the end, I know we’ll be stronger for making it to the other side. In the meantime, TAKE OUT THE FLIPPING TRASH!!!!!!!!!!!!
Opinions expressed by parent contributors are their own.