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Ways to raise optimistic children

Ways to raise optimistic children

Life is full of surprises. We may come across many pleasures, big and small, and we may also face unpleasant obstacles. While some of us perceive obstacles in an exaggerated way and get stuck with them, some of us perceive the pleasures and obstacles as natural processes and jump on them and continue on our way. If you want your child to be optimistic individuals in the face of life barriers Clinical Psychologist Olcay Güner from DBE Institute of Behavioral Sciences you should listen to what he says.

If we look at our environment, we can see many pessimists who can easily surrender to the difficulties of life and make negative predictions about life, as well as optimists who enjoy life. All psychological research shows that the more pessimistic you are, the more likely you are to become depressed. Then parents have a new duty. To raise positive children who have an optimistic perspective and can cope with the inevitable setbacks of life. Clinical Psychologist Olcay Güner from DBE Institute of Behavioral Sciences says:

“When we talk about optimism to some families, they say that we don't want children walking around“ how wonderful everything is, the world and me ”. Because we don't live in a world where everything is great. They're very right. What we mean is not “empty optimism.. Positive thinking is not constantly thinking of cheerful things. “Every day, as time goes by, I will be better and better”. The accuracy of 'optimism' should be high. Only cheerful positive expressions cannot positively increase your achievements and your instant mood. Optimism focuses on utilizing the power of non-negative thoughts rather than unnecessary positivity. Optimism is far from the concepts you will use to cheer yourself up. For example, 'I am a special person', 'My life is always getting better', 'People love me'… etc. This kind of sentence will make you feel good for a short time but it will not get you to your target points. ”

Being Pessimistic…

Pessimistic thinking has high costs. They believe there's nothing they can do. They believe that problems will last forever and cannot be changed, and they do not seek solutions. Such negative beliefs are often not true. Disastrous many pessimistic situations. He chooses the worst of all potential causes. Depression-prone children also focus on the worst-case scenario of their problems. They blame themselves uncontrollably. They make the most negative comments. They cannot produce more optimistic and correct alternatives. Children who can see other factors contributing to the problem can solve the problem by directing their energy to different points of the problem.

Being Optimistic

Optimism is not blaming others when something goes bad. It is your responsibility to help you solve problems. Nor is it to avoid sorrow or anger. Negative emotions are a part of life and enrich it. No matter how big problems you face, the child who has automated optimistic thinking will be able to overcome difficulties in the slightest light of hope. Optimism cannot replace a good family model or strong moral values… Optimism is not only a tool but a very powerful tool.

Children are congenitally positive

If you pay attention to young children, you will see that they have positive innate perspectives. They are cute and happy because they are natural optimists. Positivity is a strong credit for children to use all future environmental and internal resources. If a child is pessimistic, he learns most of it by observing his parents, his parents, and the teachers he respects. Your child absorbs your behavioral patterns, sayings and deeds like a sponge. The way you interpret events is very likely to be copied by your child. Psychologist Güner says:

Önemli There are three important distinctions in interpretation. Persistence, dissemination and personalization. A pessimistic person believes that the obstacles he faces are irreversible and will cost a lot in his life. Many pessimistic people believe that their bad destiny will continue in the future, giving them many opportunities, causing unsuccessful relationships and ordinary casual people who are constantly losing. Even when they realize that the problem is not their fault, they believe that the situation will not change and do not try to change it. They often believe that they are the cause of the problem. When a small child feels a negative feeling, they look for a warm, safe, familiar place to hide. If he has a place like this, he'il hide here until the danger goes away. If it doesn't exist, it will freeze in the face of danger. It is important that you establish a secure bond with your child. Children who are securely fastened can easily explore the area and take control of them when compared to children who are unsafe. As they feel confident, they feel ready to seek new chances in life. Discovering and accomplishing triggers positive emotions constantly. Positive emotions are like a spiral that constantly takes you upwards. Habituated negative emotions, on the other hand, lead to a downward spiral. This spiral descends to depression and becomes chronic over time. Then, as a parent, one of our most important tasks is to reveal the positive emotions and characteristics of our child. ”

Become a Model for Your Child

Here are some suggestions for parents to shoot the seeds of optimism and secure attachment to their children:

Children often copy the way in which their parents interpret and solve the problem they use in conflict between themselves. They often suffer from these conflicts. But avoiding conflict is not the solution. Even people who love each other very much can conflict from time to time. Dispute is a part of life. The important thing is to model children how conflicts are resolved. You can do the following to reduce the damage of conflicts and fights.

• Do not use physical violence in front of the child. That includes throwing things and slamming doors. This kind of behavior scares the child too much.

• Do not criticize your partner in a permanent and generalized language in front of the child. Ex: “your father cannot do anything in life”, “your mother is the best example of selfishness”.

• Do not resent each other;

• Do not ask your child to take sides.

• Do not start a discussion in front of the child that you are sure will not end with compromise

• Express your feelings in a safe way instead of attacking.

• Model your anger by controlling it. Slow down and give yourself time to calm down.

• Resolve conflicts in front of the child and make them feel that disputes are part of love, that they are natural and that they can be solved.

• If you are going to criticize your spouse in front of the child, do not criticize the whole personality; Make special criticism at that moment. Ex: “When your father is so tired, he gets a little angry”.

Recommendations for Parents Who Want to Bring Optimistic Children

• Do not cry your child alone in bed for too long. Try to meet your needs on time. Do not leave your child wet or hungry for too long.

• If possible - especially in the first few months - be sure to see you as soon as you wake up and before bedtime.

• Try not to give your child unpredictable situations. This makes them desperate, angry, sad and passive. For example; This is an 'unpredictable' situation for your child if a toy that makes a sound when the button is pressed before is no longer making a sound because it breaks down, but suddenly makes a stopping sound. The child has no control over this toy.

• When faced with a new situation, give it small and achievable steps and keep it alive. For example; If you are introducing the child to water, first start with small squirts of water. Then raise the water level starting at the wrists.

• Give your child the choice. For example; Do not stuff the mouth. Ask which food on the table you want to start. Have your plate ready for the buffet. If possible, let him choose clothes himself.

• Do not leave your child in the highchair, stroller, playground for hours. Give opportunities to explore, explore the environment. With a little effort around. Leave new objects that you can discover. Do not block his discoveries unless he becomes unsafe.

• Climbing on things, lifting a large teddy bear, cycling and rollerblading will increase the child's self-confidence.

• Play synchronized games with your baby. Hit that hand twice and you hit it. When he says 'oooo…' you say 'oooo…'. He will enjoy it and laugh. You laugh too. Your baby will think that he can influence the people he loves with his movements.

• Embrace her often. Use plenty of physical contact.

• If you have been sentenced, make sure that you understand the reason for the sentence. If he does not understand the cause and corrects his behavior just because he is afraid of you, he may be a candidate to become an 'insecure' individual.

• Use the word 'No' to limit. Do not say 'no' in any situation that is unpleasant to yourself. Use this word in really dangerous situations. Use different discourses such as 'slower söy' for situations you don't like. Remove the objects you don't want to get close to without saying 'no' and put them out of reach.

• Use praise in place, on time and in sufficient quantities. Make him understand why he's being praised.

• Give your child 'safety messages'. For example; if he / she is going to be vaccinated, tell the little pain in advance in a simple language. But explain how this little bitterness will protect him from the great future suffering.

• Make 'bed chats' before going to sleep. Share the good and bad events that happened to you that day. Let him fall asleep free of his troubles.

• Pay attention to your own interpretation styles that you display in front of your child. Try to avoid your pessimistic interpretation. If you witness your child's pessimistic comments, help him / her to become aware of other possible optimistic alternatives.


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